Growing up in an age of Terrorism, economic uncertainty and boys don’t cry, tenderness is considered week or spineless. However these words when spoken or heard auditoral will inevitably involve fear. And that’s what they are intended to do. I am not speaking of the caring father who unknowly is passing on a limiting belief for which he was taught in effort to pump up his lcrging ittle boy in a time doubt and challenge regarding the later.
Humans cry and we cry because we feel. Usually when an event is heart felt and involks caring compassion either happy or sad is when tears tend to roll. Boys through out history have been told to repress these type of feelings so as not to appear week. This may help in carrying out acts that are consider to be brave yet may more accurately be described as “heartless” if we honestly delve deep into the reality of particular deeds. Like war.
On a lighter note relationships particularly between a man and woman the seemingly opposite ways of thinking can be better understood and brought closer to a more mutual central way of being when allowing tenderness.
Tenderness requires a mindful state of awareness free of an agenda or in a defensive state. We become closed off in defense and narrow minded so to speak when focusing on one outcome pushing for an attended. These two states are relatively in opposition of tenderness.
The two examples about mainly are achieved through thinking with the head and generally emphasis added on generally can be considered logically or linear ways of thinking if logic is actually applied. Themasculine or right side brain carries out these modalities of thinking.
Men like to fix things solve problems and resolve issues for the most part. Woman feel things more and I will just stop there. The fact that men want to solve whatever he encounters in life whether it s a flat tire he and his wife have travelling on vacation or one of he more serious challenge ever man is bound to face in his life does show a type of caring. He cares about the well being of his family and works toward a Bette life. He will usually seek information he lacks and use the information to take action. He will put steps either in his mind on paper or verbal that will help him reach his goal a type of “man”ual.
Woman are capable of this type of linear thinking as well of course. In general women will let their emotions guide them through situations working more with the intuation. The intuation is very accurate some studies show an 80!% accurate rate. Yet to someone not feeling the intuation of another action being observed may seem illogical and not be understood.
This reminds me of what Tara Brach shared regarding the Native American people and Carl Young. Carl wrote about his encounter with natives they would say we don’t trust the white man he comes and always seems to be seeking something, not content, uneasy.. The white man always seems mad we don’t know what he wants. Carlwrites the natives express the white man is thinking with his head. This struck Carl as odd, he asked the natives “where do you think from if not the head?”. The Indian replied by putting his hand over his heart. We think from our heart.
With all the fear and uncertainty in society today we become in a state of fear on alert our lymphatic systems kick in and we are in a flight or right state. Tenderness can not manifest very readily in flight or right state of being.
Stepping out of fear will allow tenderness and caring which will ultametly bring humanity closer and result in more loving caring and intiment relationships. So how do we do that? Here are some tips on how.